March 19, 2014

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Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

I remember back when I was in Vietnam, as I grew up, I was often criticized by other people. “Johnny, you just spilled the milk, why are you so stupid?” – “Johnny, you got 1 out of 10 on your test, you are such an idiot” – “Johnny, you don’t even know how to cook, what kind of a man are you? No wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend (this sounds hilarious to me, I know how to cook now though…lol)”. Those are just a few examples. I have heard all kinds of criticism, mostly from my parents and my older sister. They criticized me almost every day, even on very little things like spilling stuff on the floor. However, criticizing others is not going to help change the situation, it might even make it get worse. I was constantly told: “You are stupid! You are an idiot! You are dumb!”.  In spite of this, I still love my parents and my sister, I want to work hard for them and take them to vacations. I just wanted to point out that, by criticizing me so often, they eventually made me believe that I was indeed stupid. As a result, I didn’t even try to work harder or become smarter, since I was convinced that I was purely stupid. Moreover, nobody likes to be criticized anyways. My friend, how do you feel when people criticize you? You might feel stupid, guilty, unfair, unreasonable, uncomfortable…etc, right? Do you like those kinds of feelings? I bet you would say: “No man, of course not!”. Then avoid criticizing other people, it will only add fire to the relationship. See the video below for more tips: 

A little life changing story

I want to tell you a little life changing story here. In middle school, I hated studying and I always got horrible grades – I was at the bottom of the class. When I got into grade 10, my father sent me to a private computer learning center. I was so blessed to have met this teacher. She had never ever criticized me at all. I knew that I made silly mistakes sometimes, but she never criticized me. Instead, she tried to find ways to praise me. For example, when she was teaching me how to do some stuff in Microsoft Word, and if I made some mistakes, she would tell me: “Johnny, what you have here is okay, I like it, and if you can change this a little bit, then it will be perfect!” After I did it the way she suggested, she would tell me: “That’s right Johnny, you are such a smart boy!”. She told me that I was a smart boy over and over again. She was the first person in my life who never criticized me and saw the potentials in me. Gradually, I started to believe that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought. As a result, I studied harder and had more confidence in myself. When I got to grade 12, I became one of the top students in my high school class!

Don’t forget to say thank you

Have you ever done somebody a favor, but they never said “thank you” to you? Have you ever opened the door for a stranger, and they walked through without saying "thank you" to you? How did you feel? Probably you might feel a bit upset. That’s why it is important to thank people. By saying “thank you”, you make them feel important. You make them feel that you have recognized their effort. You show them that you are grateful to them. When I offer my help to someone, I don’t expect them to pay me back anything, but I DO expect them to thank me. Especially, if you often need help from a specific person, it’s even more important to thank them every time they help you. That way, they are more willing to help you again and again. Also, in some situations, you can make really good impression on someone if they don’t actually expect you to say “thank you”, but you do it anyways. For example, when you invite someone to a party, and they show up, you can say: “Brandon, thank you for coming!”. Try it and see how it helps your relationship with other people. You might want to check out this video as well!

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February 15, 2014

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Every time you smile at someone, it's an action of love, a gift to that person, and a beautiful thing

Let your smile change the world

One of the biggest lessons that I learnt from this book is that you should often remind yourself to smile. A smile is like a miracle with fabulous hidden power in it than you could ever imagine. As I explained in another post that I used to be a depressed person. I used to meet people with a depressed face. Sometimes I heard people saying behind my back: "What's wrong with him? He is so shy and he always looks bored. He doesn't talk much. He always stays home and he doesn't hang out with friends". Some of you might be able to connect to that. And only you and I know, how PAINFUL it is every time we hear those words. After I applied the technique of greeting everyone with a smile, life becomes more enjoyable than ever. I become more positive and help people around me to feel positive as well. And hey! I become more handsome than before! The fact is that no matter how you look, if you put a smile on your face, you will instantly look more attractive!! ( I bet you are smiling right now!) Also, if you greet someone with a smile, they will tend to mirror it and smile back at you, which helps both people feel more positive and have a better conversation. Smiling is already irresistible, let alone laugh! See the video below for some fun :))

I remember one day I went to a small store to drill a hole on my belt and make it tighter. The owner of the store was Korean and this man has a great smile. After having my belt drilled, I looked at him and he was smiling at me and I felt like there was an invisible power that kept me staying in the store (like I fell in love with him or something, but I'm not gay ok?...haha). I felt like he was a very friendly person so I decided to stay and talk to him for a while. Afterward, I decided to buy another key chain from him which I didn't intend to at all when I walked in the store. I still remember his smile and I'm willing to refer friends and come back to his store anytime. What a smile!!

Everybody likes a compliment

Another great lesson I learnt from this book is to give compliments to other people. The fact is that most people love to receive compliments from others. When you compliment someone, you help them feel respected and enhance their self-image. To the man out there, think of the time when you gave a compliment to a girl, remember how happily they reacted? (Some girls might go crazy and jump around and hug you! haha) Honestly, you never know how worth-while your compliment is to someone. I recently had a group presentation and we had to present about a topic which I wasn't interested in at all. Thus, I was struggling with contributing my ideas about the topic. I somehow felt worthless to the group. Therefore, I tried to do my best during the presentation and applied all the knowledge I have learnt about public speaking to make my speech engaging and easy to comprehend. After we finished the presentation, one of my partners, her name is Jenna, with an impressed face, she told me :"Hey Johnny, you did a great job! I like the way you presented!" At that time, my self-image instantly went up, I realized that I wasn't worthless to the group at all. She made me feel better about myself and I must thank her for offering the compliment. So yeah guys, try to give someone a compliment everyday. Here are some examples :)

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March 07, 2014

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A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

Why it is important to remember people's names

Don’t you think that it’s important to remember a person’s name? Especially if you are going to meet that person every once a while, either by chance or with purpose. I never seriously tried to remember anyone’s name before I read this book, partly because I was shy and quite. I rarely went out to meet new people, and when I did, I would most likely forget the person’s name. I used to wash dishes in a Vietnamese restaurant for a year, and I never remembered some of my co-workers’ names, even though we were working together every week. My friend, how do you feel if people don’t remember your name, especially when they meet you quite often? You might feel a bit offended right? You might feel that they don’t really care about you, or that they don’t value you as an important person to them. Particularly, when you meet someone once a while and you remember their name, but they don’t remember your name, you might feel kind of worthless. This has a negative impact on your self-image and confidence. That’s how I felt for a long time. If you are looking for job opportunities, it's even more important that you remember people's names, since those people might be able to refer you to the person who makes the decision to hire. Also, when you meet the recruiter, you make a good impression on them by remembering their name. It's pretty awkward to not remember people's names right? See the video below, haha!

Here is a method that is helping me to remember people's names

After I read this book, I made a decision to really put effort into remembering people’s names. Whenever I meet a new person, I will ask for their name and repeat it several times during our conversation. That way, their name can become part of my memory. If they are someone who I really want to keep in touch and follow up with, I will also write down their name in a small pad, as well as what I can remember about them during our conversation. This allows me to remember not only their name, but also their hobby, work, and education…etc. Next time I meet them, I can repeat what we talk about last time and extend our conversation from there. More important, by remembering their name and their basic information, I make a good impression on them and show them that I really value the relationship. In addition, if you put effort into remembering someone’s name, they are more likely to put effort into remembering your name as well. You also help enhance their self-image and confidence by remembering their name, since it makes them feel important. I have probably doubled my number of friends using these methods. We all want to feel important! See the video below for more tips:

Forgive yourself and others 

The last thing I want to talk about is to forgive others if they don’t remember your name, and forgive yourself if you forget someone’s name. We are all human after all. It’s just impossible for us to remember everyone’s name. If you meet someone and they forgot your name, they might just be a type of person who talks to many people on a daily basis, and it’s very hard for them to remember you if you didn’t build a strong connection with them during the conversation. Or they might be a type of person who is not really good at dealing with people, and they might be shy and quite. That’s okay, those people need your help. You should still try to remember their name to help them feel better about themselves. They might be very interesting people to talk to if you get to know more about them. If they meet you more often, they might ask you: “How do you know so many people?”. You can tell them: “Just by remembering their name!”. If you forget someone’s name, that’s okay. But try to ask for their name again, you can say something like: “I’m sorry. You are a nice person to talk to, but I forgot your name. What’s your name again?”. After they leave, you can repeat their name several times quietly so that you can remember.

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March 09, 2014

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The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

Why you should never get into an argument

I used to have very bad temper and I would usually try to win over an argument if I disagreed with someone about a particular subject. I was so convinced that I was right, and the other person was wrong. Therefore, I usually tried to win at all costs, without realizing that it was damaging my relationship with the other person. In fact, I have lost a friend who is a very nice guy, all because of my pride. His name is Joon. I used to be involved with a multi-level marketing company, and I was trying to invite him to join me. We talked about it on the phone. Joon actually knew about the company for quite a long time already, and he had negative opinions about the company just like some people. I strong believed that it’s a great company to join and I had an argument with Joon about the credibility of the company. I couldn’t give up that belief and I tried every possible way to win over Joon. I tried to act like a smart guy and made him feel stupid. Since then, we have never contacted each other again. I actually sent him a text message asking him to forgive me, but I never got a reply. I already read “How to win friends and influence people” at that time, but I never took the lesson into heart. I acted just like a kid, see the video below :)

Friendship is more important than winning an argument

So what’s the lesson here? After I lost my friendship with Joon, I recognized that I should try to avoid getting into an argument as much as possible. If you win the argument, then you make the other person feel embarrassed and defeated. If you lose the argument, then you feel embarrassed and defeated. Either way, you hurt yourself or you hurt the other person. There is no win-win relationship here. My friend, friendship can’t be maintained if one person loses and the other wins! Friendship is more important than wining an argument. So, you had better avoid it! For me right now, whenever I disagree with someone, I try to make it more like a discussion, rather than an argument. I still respect their opinions and I don’t judge whether their opinions are right or wrong. In fact, there are no right or wrong opinions. It’s just that different people view things differently. When I explain my points, I don’t insist that what I am saying it’s absolutely correct, and I am open to criticism. This usually helps me avoid an argument. See the video below for more tips :)

Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes 

Have you ever had any conflict with someone, and you couldn’t understand why they acted in a certain way? Maybe, if you put yourself in their shoes, you could have understood why they acted like that. I used to work with a co-worker who usually complained that our manager was very mean to her. We had a sale target that we were supposed to achieve every day. She complained that our manager always pushed her to sell more. She felt like she was the victim. If she did put herself into our manager’s shoes, maybe she could have understood why he pushed her. I had a very good relationship with my manager, and he told me that the higher-ranking managers usually pushed him to make our team achieve the target. So, the reason why he pushed her was because the higher-ranking managers pushed him. Even though she complained to me a lot, I didn’t criticize her because I was able to put myself in her shoes. I understood how it felt like to be pushed to sell more products, since I had been through that. She was just very emotional. Instead of criticizing her behavior, I tried to help her see the situation from our manager's perspectives to solve the conflict. She gradually stopped complaining and had better relationship with our manager! So my friend, if you have any conflict with someone, or you don’t quite understand their behavior, try putting yourself in their shoes and you might find the answer!

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