March 19, 2014

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Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

I remember back when I was in Vietnam, as I grew up, I was often criticized by other people. “Johnny, you just spilled the milk, why are you so stupid?” – “Johnny, you got 1 out of 10 on your test, you are such an idiot” – “Johnny, you don’t even know how to cook, what kind of a man are you? No wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend (this sounds hilarious to me, I know how to cook now though…lol)”. Those are just a few examples. I have heard all kinds of criticism, mostly from my parents and my older sister. They criticized me almost every day, even on very little things like spilling stuff on the floor. However, criticizing others is not going to help change the situation, it might even make it get worse. I was constantly told: “You are stupid! You are an idiot! You are dumb!”.  In spite of this, I still love my parents and my sister, I want to work hard for them and take them to vacations. I just wanted to point out that, by criticizing me so often, they eventually made me believe that I was indeed stupid. As a result, I didn’t even try to work harder or become smarter, since I was convinced that I was purely stupid. Moreover, nobody likes to be criticized anyways. My friend, how do you feel when people criticize you? You might feel stupid, guilty, unfair, unreasonable, uncomfortable…etc, right? Do you like those kinds of feelings? I bet you would say: “No man, of course not!”. Then avoid criticizing other people, it will only add fire to the relationship. See the video below for more tips: 

A little life changing story

I want to tell you a little life changing story here. In middle school, I hated studying and I always got horrible grades – I was at the bottom of the class. When I got into grade 10, my father sent me to a private computer learning center. I was so blessed to have met this teacher. She had never ever criticized me at all. I knew that I made silly mistakes sometimes, but she never criticized me. Instead, she tried to find ways to praise me. For example, when she was teaching me how to do some stuff in Microsoft Word, and if I made some mistakes, she would tell me: “Johnny, what you have here is okay, I like it, and if you can change this a little bit, then it will be perfect!” After I did it the way she suggested, she would tell me: “That’s right Johnny, you are such a smart boy!”. She told me that I was a smart boy over and over again. She was the first person in my life who never criticized me and saw the potentials in me. Gradually, I started to believe that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought. As a result, I studied harder and had more confidence in myself. When I got to grade 12, I became one of the top students in my high school class!

Don’t forget to say thank you

Have you ever done somebody a favor, but they never said “thank you” to you? Have you ever opened the door for a stranger, and they walked through without saying "thank you" to you? How did you feel? Probably you might feel a bit upset. That’s why it is important to thank people. By saying “thank you”, you make them feel important. You make them feel that you have recognized their effort. You show them that you are grateful to them. When I offer my help to someone, I don’t expect them to pay me back anything, but I DO expect them to thank me. Especially, if you often need help from a specific person, it’s even more important to thank them every time they help you. That way, they are more willing to help you again and again. Also, in some situations, you can make really good impression on someone if they don’t actually expect you to say “thank you”, but you do it anyways. For example, when you invite someone to a party, and they show up, you can say: “Brandon, thank you for coming!”. Try it and see how it helps your relationship with other people. You might want to check out this video as well!

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