February 15, 2014

If you want peace of mind, do not find fault with others. Rather learn to see your own faults. Stop fighting with your thoughts

One way to help you make more friends

The book talks about a formula called "SFF" which stands for stop finding fault. I used to be a person who usually tried to find flaws in other people. I guess that I somehow inherited this characteristic from my father. There are actually several things my father has that I really respect. However, he is a type of person who constantly looks for mistakes in other people.Since no one is perfect, if you look for mistakes, you will find mistakes. His attitude created a negative atmosphere in my family. I had the same attitude and I often felt angry, disappointed, depressed, and lonely. After I read this book and began to look for "good things" in other people, it has completely changed my life. Now I feel more happy, I have more friends, I have more trust in people, and I realize that some people are not as bad as I thought if I look for the "good things" in them! 

Get rid of complaining once and for all


Another important lesson I learnt from this book is that you should always behave in a positive manner around other people. Let's admit this, when we are with someone, we sometimes make judgments about things and people, and we sometimes complaint about our life. Isn't that true? Here is the problem: "believe it or not, people don't like to listen to complaints or negative opinions". Every time we engage in negative talk, we create a bad impression on other people and make our conversation less enjoyable. Do you know someone who every time you meet them , they will start to complaint about how life sucks? I know someone like that and I just want to end the conversation as quickly as possible. In addition, as they judge others, they give me a clue to judge them as a "negative person". Being a negative person will make friends stay away from us.

How to make people become interested in you

One more valuable lesson I learnt from the book is that you should be a good listener. When I was younger, I only wanted people to listen to me so that I can show them how awesome I was. I would show off my accomplishments in school and in other areas without being asked to talk about that. I had very few friends and most people considered me as an "arrogant". Now I find it much easier to make friends by being a good listener! You will create a good impression on other people when you sincerely listen to them. Remember: "People are interested in you when they know that you are interested in them". By listening to them, you show them that they are worth listening and they will feel more comfortable to express themselves when they are with you. This is an example of a bad listener!

Some of you might ask: "What does this really mean to be a good listener?" Based on what I learnt, being a good listener means that the conversation should be focused mostly on the person you are talking to. You ask open-ended questions to let them talk about themselves and you listen to them without interrupting (It shouldn't be like a boxing match with constant "bom" -"bom"- "bom" from both sides...haha). When they finish talking, you can repeat the key points they said to show them that you understood the message, and only talk about yourself when they ask. This is an example of a good listener! 

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